Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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