I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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