You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
