Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
