I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
two words...techno handjob
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
