Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
