it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
