I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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