I wanna passion pit in your ass
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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