I wish I could punch you in the face.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
