i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
