yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she smelled like a LAN party
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will pee on everything he values.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
