Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
