Is it because I queefed?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
