it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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