Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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