Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
