Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
