You're my little dorito
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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