i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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