The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This baby is an asshole
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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