For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
