This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
