i just made my gag reflex go away.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
