Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
