Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
