We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
