you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
