He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
