Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
