THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
