I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
time to smoke my breakfast
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
