the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
