hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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