Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
