Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
