I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
