ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
