I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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