Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
