Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
