I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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