That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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