I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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