i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
