My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
