Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
