i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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