I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
