just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My bed smells like the plague
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